What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 08:07
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
So whats the point in blame.
Why are so many young teenage boys misogynistic? Where do they get these attitudes from?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He knew the spot.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was 9 years of age.
What is the nastiest thing you had your wife do and she loved it?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Why are some people afraid of monsters?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Is having white skin really that attractive?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why are Korean female leads so angry all the time?
Especially a lifetime of it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
What is your secret to glowing skin?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Who then, do I blame.?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She wouldn,t have been !
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was seconnd youngest,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
As i do to all so called friends.?
She found it foreign!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We were not on the streets..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I think the readers, may guess!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I have no regrets .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Ive learnt so much.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Would this be the day?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But it wasn’t much.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
All the time i was locked up.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I write beautiful poetry .
Put me off passion for life!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I waited trembling.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I never cut or harmed myself..
I said to her
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
When she asked me how she looked .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It was going to be , some day.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She loved him until the end.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My life is so biszare .
I don,t even have a pension.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Comes on , in middle age.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She was in good health!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My family never makes their pension either.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I will be 64.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im still living with it.
This is soul school!.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He resisted the act ,that day.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But, we were locked up after school.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And i lived it daily.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So, i spoilt her more .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was scared of men, in general
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But ive been too sick for many years..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was very sick at this time too.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She married twice! .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We all went to grammer schools
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!